DEAR WART:
To answer your question, I went straight to an expert: Professor
Humbick Q. Fiddleberry, Department Head of Harvard University's School of
Dermatology and Computer Science. He claims there's absolutely no chance of
getting warts from opening a disk drive - unless, of course, there's a frog
inside it.
DEAR DUFFY:
There's a girl in my Science class who I really have a crush on. I
invited her to my house to play Zork II on
my TI-99. We had a really good
time, but then her parents found out about it. They've seen "Wargames" and
think that all computer hackers are dangerous criminals. What should we do?
- NOT A DANGEROUS CRIMINAL
DEAR NOT:
This is a common syndrome among parents. Explain to them, in an
intelligent and mature way, that you are not going to blow up the world, and
that Zork II is a harmless and educational
pasttime. If this doesn't work,
get a lucrative job in the computer industry, start your own high-tech
company, attract millions in venture capital, buy a huge estate in California,
take lots of world cruises, get elected to an important government post,
discover a cure for cancer, and write several best-selling novels. After
that, her parents probably won't mind if she visits you to play
Zork II.
DEAR DUFFY:
I recently discovered that my daughter has been visiting the home of a
boy in her Science class to play computer games. My husband and I are
terrified that they will accidentally break into some secret defense network
and start World War III. We have told her to stop going there. Are we being
overly protective?
- NERVOUS MOM
DEAR NERV:
You're doing exactly the right thing. The kid is probably some kind of
dangerous Commie pervert. You should give his name to the FBI so they can
stop him before it's too late. Also, if your home is near any major
strategic nuclear targets, I'd start thinking about moving.
DEAR DUFFY:
I'm very worried about my parents. Lately, they spend all their time
playing those mindless arcade games on our home computer. I've tried turning
them on to my favorite Infocom games, like
Planetfall and
Enchanter, but they
say they find them too difficult, and just keep playing Eggplant Kong. My
dad used to be a news hound, and my mother loved the Times' crossword puzzle,
but neither of them has picked up a newspaper for months! I'm worried about
their brains turning to mush.
- FRANTIC SON
DEAR FRAN:
If your parents found other Infocom games too hard, maybe you should try
giving them Seastalker. It's easier than
the games you mentioned. Better hurry, though, before your parents start
smoking, hanging around the local pool hall, and staying out late.
DEAR DUFFY:
Are you any relation to the Sgt. Duffy in
Deadline and
The Witness?
- CURIOUS IN CANADA
DEAR CAN:
I'm not telling.
New Zork Times; Summer 1984; page 5
Copyright (c) 1984 Infocom, Inc.